Never Surrender
by JacktheSinister JaketheJust
Summary: Jeff's stuck in a place in his life where he's completely alone. He's spiraled out of control and has hit rock bottom, but the only good thing about being so low is that he can only go up. This is for thegirlinthepinkscarf!


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. This is a work of complete fiction. As for the characters mentioned, this story does not depict their own personal feelings, thoughts, or ideas. Each character belongs to their rightful owners; themselves and WWE/TNA.**

**Note: This is for thegirlinthepinkscarf! Thank you for the idea on tumblr love! I really needed this, and it was pretty fun to write Junk again. It has been way to long! If anyone wants to keep in touch with me other than here, check me out on tumblr under the same name! Enjoy! -JJ**

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**_Never Surrender_**

Multi-colored locks were strewn around the pillows, looking almost as lifeless and dull as the green eyes that were currently unfocused on the ceiling. He wasn't high, he'd actually come down hours before but he hadn't moved from that spot. He refused to answer the call of nature, he refused to find something to ease the sandpaper feeling of his throat. He just wanted to lay there wishing that the this would've been the last time.

Emerald eyes closed as a shuddery breath left parted lips. Both hands were sluggish and heavy as they were lifted up to rest against his sullen face. He could feel the edges of his skull at parts, his once beautiful and rosy flesh now lost of all color and ashen. He'd once had a flawless complexion with just the right amount of plumpness to his cheeks and lips. Now, he looked more like a living skeleton with skin pulled taut than a real human.

"Phillip," he breathed, the name itself choked and empty. He tried not to think of the other man, his best friend, his lover. They'd been through everything together and from the moment they'd met in high school at freshman orientation they'd been inseparable.

When Phil's dad had walked out on him and his sisters and mother, Jeff had been right there, holding the other man tight as he swore to never be like him, that he'd never touch a drop of alcohol, that he wouldn't do drugs, he wouldn't engage in promiscuous sexual behavior. And he stuck to it, even when he'd hit college and everyone was going on about frat parties and cocktail binges he remained firm to his words.

When Jeff's mother had passed away from cancer his junior year, he'd turned to Phil, crying in those strong arms like a newborn baby. He'd held tight to Phil through his entire grieving process, unable to open up to anyone else, not even Shannon, his other best friend, the one he'd known since he was in elementary school. He'd grown so close to Phil, close enough that the month before graduations he realized that he had less than friendly feelings for his best friend.

It was during that time he'd tasted his first bit of alcohol. He loved it, he loved how free he felt, how his pain just seemed to numb and he was left with nothing but a happy hazy surrounding him. The first time he'd gotten high, he felt like he was on top of the world. He hated the burn of the smoke in his throat and he hated the way his stomach seemed to remain upset even after he'd come down from his cocktail of pills. He loved feeling like he was on top of the world and he could be completely happy in his fantasylands that he created inside his mind while he was on a trip.

That's where it had all had started. Jeff realized just how much he relied on Phil, how deep his friendship went, how it had crossed that thin line of friendship to something more. He was high when he realized that he had deeper feelings for the other male, and that scared him.

Phil and Jeff were going to different colleges, Jeff was going to an art school two states away while Phil was going to start at the local University that fall. He didn't have anything to lose when he made the decision to tell Phil exactly how he felt. A decision he'd made after a few drinks.

He'd spent days trying to plan it all out only to find that once he'd had Phil alone the night after graduation that his words wouldn't come out.

_Jeff stood there behind the brick building, his hands wringing in front of him in nervousness as he tried to remember the words he's planned on saying. He swallowed hard, looking up into the olive eyes of the other man, the dark hair gently brushing along the tops of Phil's shoulders in the breeze. "I… I…" he paused, his body starting to shake just as hard as his voice._

"_What's wrong Jeff?" Phil asked, reaching out and tucking a loose piece of blond hair back behind Jeff's pierced ear. "C'mon, we're best friends, talk to me man." He was a little surprised when Jeff's hand grabbed his and held it tight._

"_I like you!" Jeff gasped, his eyes growing wide at the surprise on Phil's face. "I'm sorry, I know it's stupid, and since I'm moving in July you won't have to see me again if I just grossed you out—"_

_Phil only chuckled, smiling wide. "I'm glad," he said softly, his hand clasped with Jeff's pulling him close, their noses touching. "Because I've liked you for a long time," he murmured, closing the small gap between them with a chaste kiss._

_Jeff whimpered, his arms wrapping around Phil's neck as his back was pushed into the wall, hands resting on his hips. He didn't know what he was doing but the instant Phil's hot tongue slipped into his mouth his entire body was hot. He couldn't think or breathe as his tongue played with the metal barbell in the other man's mouth. His body was pushed further into the wall, making it impossible to hide his growing arousal. He only made a strange noise between an aroused groan and a moan when he felt an equally hard tool against his inner thigh._

_Phil gasped, his lips pushed harder into Jeff's sucking up as much of the other teenager as he could. He bit out a low groan when he felt a trembling hand massaging him over his jeans. He pulled back, both hands coming up to hold Jeff's face as he pressed their foreheads together. "No," he breathed, placing a feather light kiss to Jeff's lips. "Not like this, not here. I want it to be in a bed."_

_Jeff only nodded, unable to think through the fog of arousal and happiness clouding his mind. "Ditch the party early?" he asked breathlessly, his lips pressing against Phil's lightly, his tongue touching the curved edge of the lip ring on the left side of Phil's lower lip._

Jeff couldn't help but smile at the memory of how they'd left the party and made their way right to Phil's house, knowing his mother was working the night shift and his sisters were with their grandparents. It had been his first time and Phil had been so gentle, so loving and tender with him. It was a high he could never replicate, no matter how hard, or often, he tried.

He sighed as his eyes cracked open, his lips parting as he sucked in a shallow breath. He looked through the gaps between his fingers, eyes barely focused on anything. He'd went down hill from there. He'd spent all summer with Phil, both as happy as they'd ever been wrapped up in each other before that fall came and tore them apart.

Jeff went to art school, crying the entire drive there. He met his dorm mate and found that he was big into smoking pot and drinking. They became friends instantly and every night Jeff would be laying in his bed completely wasted thinking of Phil. When he felt lonely he'd have another shot or he'd pop another pill and the pain would dull. He didn't dare tell Phil about any of it when they spoke, knowing he'd either get lectured or run the risk of losing Phil completely.

He didn't do anything around Phil, knowing his lifestyle. He'd talked about it but when he saw that look of disdain in the olive orbs he loved, he instantly felt lower than dirt for finding so much enjoyment in something so vile.

Jeff turned to his side, ignoring the violent lurch in his stomach. When was the last time he'd eaten? Had it been earlier that day? No, it had to have been the day before sometime. He shook his head, knowing he was too far gone to try eating. He wouldn't make it any further than the bed.

His thoughts ran wild, his hands tucking under his head. He'd been trashed when Phil came to visit him once. He was embarrassed and ashamed at the wide look Phil gave him. He didn't even try explaining after Phil had gotten angry and left. He'd gotten so drunk that night that he'd blacked out and he still didn't remember what had happened.

After that night was when the real problems happened. He couldn't stop drinking or putting some kind of drug in him to keep him going. He couldn't think without the drugs. He couldn't function without something stimulating him. And that only made Phil even more angry with him. They argued over his habits constantly.

A tear slid down Jeff's cheek as he sat up, ignoring the growing roar of his stomach, the unmistakable burn at the back of his throat warning him that he was close to vomiting. That's why he was there alone now.

He was almost done with his degree. He only had another year and he could get a job in his field but he was alone. He had no reason to work hard anymore. Phil had cut ties with him, leaving him to deal with it on his own.

"_Phil!" Jeff cried, opening the door to his dorm and flinging his arms around the other man, instantly pushing their lips together in a less than innocent kiss. "I missed you." He pulled back, a little wobbly on his feet. He tugged Phil in by his shirt, shutting the door and locking it. "Think we can be quiet today?"_

_Phil smiled, running a hand through his short hair, a hand running over his Wolverine esque beard. He nodded, moving back in. He pushed Jeff back onto his bed, kissing the other man like he would die without him. His hands moved up the bed, a cylinder digging into his hand. He pulled back, wrapping his fingers around the little amber bottle._

_His eyes narrowed as he looked down at the name on the bottle. It didn't belong to Jeff. He sighed, getting up completely. "How many times have we talked about this!" he asked angrily, holding the bottle up, Jeff's eyes refusing to meet his. His hand tightened around the plastic. "I'm tired of this Jeff. Either you give these things up or we can't be together. I'm tired of what they're doing to you." He shook his head, waiting for Jeff to say something._

_When Phil only heard silence he bit his lower lip, refusing to show how bad his heart was breaking in his chest. "Fine, keep the fucking drugs. When you die of an overdose, don't expect me to be there!"_

"_It's just for fun Phil!" Jeff cried, wincing when the plastic bottle hit him in the chest. "I can quit any time. I just don't want to! I like how they make me feel. When you're not here it's the best kind of feeling, if you would just _try _it!"_

_Phil shook his head, his jaw tight. "I don't want to try it Jeff. I love you, and I know what that shit can do! I watched my father beat my mom before he walked out on us. I won't be like that! And I'll be damned if I let it happen to me. It's the drugs or me Jeff. You pick."_

_Jeff sat there in silence as Phil turned on his heel and stormed out of his dorm room, tears heavy in his eyes. He wanted to quit, he wanted Phil. He needed Phil but he needed the drugs, the alcohol. He needed it all._

That had been weeks ago and he hadn't heard a word from Phil. Not a single word. The tears came harder, soaking his pillow. He closed his eyes, holding back the sobs as they wracked through him. He had gotten so high and drunk he couldn't move. He'd lost two days on that high, refusing to let himself come down.

Jeff stood, stumbling into the bathroom. He shut the door and looked at his reflection, really taking in how much weight he'd lost and how dull his skin was. His once beautifully bright eyes were lifeless and he looked at least five years older than what he was. He shook his head, running a hand over his face.

He turned to the shower, turning the water on and undressing. He stepped in and let the hot water run over him. He looked down at his bony figure, tears once again falling from his eyes. He wanted to change. He wanted to be who he was before the drugs. He wanted Phil. He knew he'd been the one to push Phil away, it had been his obsession with the drugs that had caused him to be where he was. His eyes watched the water slid down the drain, droplets of blood mixing in. He touched his nostrils, looking down at the blood clinging desperately to his fingers. He had to change, if not for Phil, for himself.

He couldn't go on like this, he couldn't last much longer just forcing his body to be high.

* * *

Jeff stood in front of the apartment door back home in Cameron. He wasn't sure if he could actually knock on the painted metal or not. He looked down at the white envelope in his trembling hands before he stooped down and quickly slid it under the door.

He stood, trying to smile through the tears. He pulled his hoodie tighter around his thin frame, wishing that he could find warmth in the eighty degree weather. He swallowed hard, his heart racing in his chest as he turned and walked away, hoping that Phil got his letter. He was going to change. He was going to be better. He was going to be someone Phil could be proud of, someone he could be proud to be.

* * *

He'd spent six months in rehab. He'd went through the withdrawals, the painful nights of cold sweats and screaming and pain. He'd spent the time talking with a therapist, trying group counseling, working on ways to avoid everything when he got to come home.

Jeff was still small when he stepped out of the white building, but he'd put on a lot of necessary weight. He was just more slender looking for a male but his cheeks held a nice rosy color to them and his lips were perfectly plump again. His eyes, although still a little dull, held new life and excitement. His hair was cut short and was once again thick and healthy.

He took a step onto the sidewalk and looked over his shoulder, smiling at the place that probably saved his life. He started down the road, wondering if he'd find the man he wanted to see.

It took him two days to get back home, but the moment he pulled into Cameron he knew things were different. He could feel it in the air, the way things looked the same but felt so different. He parked his car outside the same apartment building he'd been at six months prior and tried to ignore his pounding heart.

He made the familiar trek to the same painted metal door and took a deep, calming breath as his hand rose. He heard his gentle raps on the door, closing his eyes as he waited for it to be answered.

The door opened and a brunette with shoulder length hair answered. He was shirtless, showing off his perfectly sculpted abs, a smile on the handsome face. "Hey, something I can do for you?" he asked, his deep voice friendly enough.

Jeff stood there shaking, wondering if Phil had moved out while he was away. "Is… is P-Phil here?" he asked quietly, unable to make his voice go any louder. He saw the look of confusion in those beautiful eyes before the door widened and he was ushered in.

"Hey Philly!" the other man called, shutting the door. "Someone's here to see you!" He turned to Jeff smiling brightly. "I'm John, nice to meet you. Phil was in the shower a minute ago."

Jeff took the offered hand, his heart pounding even harder. He tried not to think that this was Phil's new lover. He couldn't blame him, John was handsome and in way better shape than Jeff was. His eyes were brighter, his skin softer. "J-Jeff," he pushed out, the overwhelming emotion of terror hitting him all at once.

He suddenly wondered why he was even there. He obviously had been replaced. He heard the slam of a door before his eyes met olive ones. He blinked, his body starting to tremble. He suddenly felt out of place under the surprised gaze. He only looked down, wondering if he should just leave.

"I'll call you later John," Phil said softly, walking over and ushering John out the door. "Tell Mel I said hi." He closed the door, turning his attention back to the man just standing there. "What are you doing here?"

Jeff swallowed hard, biting his lower lip as he looked up. "Did you read my letter?" he asked in a whispered voice. He rocked from one foot to the other, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he could barely hear over the blood rushing in his ears. He saw Phil nod. "I… I just got out."

Phil let out a rushed breath as he walked over and threw his arms around Jeff hugging him tight. "Fuck," he murmured, pushing his face into Jeff's neck and taking a deep breath of his scent. "I was so fucking worried about you. You didn't write me or call or anything."

Jeff felt the first tears slide down his clean shaven cheek as his arms wrapped around Phil's middle. "I'm sorry, for everything Phil. I'm clean now. I want to stay that way. I don't want to lose you again," he nearly cried, clinging to other male as a sob wracked him. "Please, I want to be with you."

Phil sighed, running his hand through the short hair, pulling back just enough to wipe Jeff's tears away. "Stupid man," he murmured with a smile, looking over the handsome face, noticing just how much healthier Jeff looked. "I've always been right here." He cupped one cheek, the other hand running through the short hair again, twirling the single lock of blue. "I love you Jeff. I have since high school but you have to stay clean. I won't watch you destroy yourself with all that shit. Okay?"

Jeff nodded, clinging to Phil again, feeling warmth and life spread through him. He would be clean. He'd do anything and everything to keep close to Phil. He had his rock back, his best friend, the man he loved. "Okay."

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(A/N): Well, I know this probably isn't the best work I've done but I needed something to get me out of the rut I was in. I really want to thank all-day-I-dream-about-seth/girlinthepinkscarf on tumblr/FF for helping me out and giving me a plot line to work with. I will say, I haven't written Junk in a LONG time. Haha. It was fun though, and I really do miss writing Jeff and Punk. Maybe we'll see them again in the future. Either way, I really hope you enjoy the story hun, sorry if it's not exactly what you wanted, but it really was fun. As always, onwards and upwards! Title is Never Surrender by Skillet.

JacktheSinister_JaketheJust


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